“Satanic Panic Attack”


I’ve got a new story in Dark Moon Digest #38, out now from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. It’s called “Satanic Panic Attack”, and is written in the style of one of those old, text-based adventure games, like Zork. I had a lot of fun with this one and am proud of the way it turned out. I think DMD is the perfect home for it.

Here’s the tiniest of tastes:


Copyright © 1984, 1987 Dark Moon Games, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Revision 666 / Serial number 69105

SATANIC PANIC ATTACK is a text based game of strategy and black magic. Use your cunning to navigate the world and advance your powers. Only the most adept of apprentices shall achieve initiation into the dark coven. Enter “start” to begin.



You awake to the sounds of the KROZ morning crew blaring from an alarm clock radio. Evil red numbers display the time: 6:30 AM. A snooze button dominates the clock’s center. Sunlight spills through the window, highlighting the Commodore 64 on your desk. The desk has two drawers. Posters of leather clad musicians paper the walls. The scent of bacon wafts in through the door

“Playing Doctor”

big book of blasphemy

Out now, from Necro Publishing: The Big Book of Blasphemy, featuring my story “Playing Doctor.” Super proud to be in this monster TOC. #grateful #blessed

Allie pinched the slide between her fingers and unzipped the body bag. The hook and hollow of interlocking teeth parted to reveal a familiar face, one as stoic as her own. Its cloudy blue eyes stared unseeing from within the plastic shroud. Her father had warned her, but she’d insisted on preparing the body all the same. “By myself,” she told him. He didn’t like it, but knew better than to argue…

I also just learned that an Italian version of The Big Book of Blasphemy will be published by Independent Legions in November 2020. That’s a spicy meat-a-ball!!!


“Cenobio Pizzeria”

Screen Shot 2019-08-27 at 11.56.56 AM

This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever been a part of as a writer.

TALES FROM THE CRUST: AN ANTHOLOGY OF PIZZA HORROR is out now from the lunatics at Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. It includes my pizza-menu-as-story “Cenobio Pizzeria.”

You think this is a joke? Brian Evenson has a story in this thing. So does Rob “author of The Warehouse, soon to be a major motion picture from Ron Howard” Hart. There’s even a sick-ass limited edition hardcover, that comes in its own pizza box.

10" x 10" x 1 3/4" Kraft Corrugated Pizza Box - 50/Case

So what the hell are you waiting for?

“Nobody Rides For Free”


Two years ago my story “The Hand of God” was published in Dark Moon Digest #21. Issue #31 marks my triumphant return to their hallowed pages with “Nobody Rides For Free”, a story of hitchhiking gone wrong that’s Wheel of Fortune meets Deliverance.

Rake watched the blacktop melt into the horizon as Trisha hiked up her skirt and stuck out her thumb. Coarse hair sprouted from her dirt smeared legs, but Rake doubted it would hurt their prospects. Under all the grime Trisha was still a piece of ass. And if they put enough mileage between themselves and the shit that went down in Bellamy, they could splurge for a motel room and clean themselves up…

Kanye West—Reanimator: The Re-Reanimated Edition


What the shit is this you say? Only me milking the last remaining drops from Kanye’s withered teat like I was Luke Skywalker and he was a Thala-siren.

Why the shit should you care? What’s in it for you? Only 40 pages of new content, including:

—A New Foreword: “Kanye West—Origins”, on how KW-Re came to be
—The KW-Re precursor story “Beyond the Wall of Sleep in Redhook, Brooklyn”
—A review of Re-Animator the Musical from 2012
—Acknowledgements! Did you make the cut? Buy a copy and see!
—New author bios! Exciting!
—Blurbs! Both good and bad (and made up)
—A single homophone correction!
—A dedication to my wife!
—A new ISBN!

And all for only a dollar more than the original.

It’s been almost three years you say? When am I going to write something new?

Well, if you must know, I have a short novel currently out on submission, one that isn’t a parody, but who knows if and when it will see the light of publishing day.

So if you want me to keep writing, buy this stupid book one more time. I promise I won’t go for the triple-dipple like my name was Mr. Whipple.